We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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