so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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