The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize