So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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