You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize