Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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