No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
