I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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