I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize