so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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