I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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