You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
His nipple licking is glorious
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