and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
