i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
