wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
