Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
