just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
