then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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