Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
