Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize