We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
