They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
