Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
