Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it glows. i had to have it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
