Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
