I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
