K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
