WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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