no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
