guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize