Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
