I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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