yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
