Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I could make wine with my vomit
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
