My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
