i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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