I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
