She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
