you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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