Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
