Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize