I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
