ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think your dad took our porno
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
