Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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