me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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