a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
