Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
