I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how does that bad decision feel?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
