On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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