Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
