Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
