Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
