help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
