The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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