i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
is it fun? or sober?
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