he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize