whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
