watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So much rum. So many feels.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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