i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
