I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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