You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
