He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do herpes really smell.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
