Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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