I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
