people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
