listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
