Already got asked if we're dating
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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