If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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