I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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