Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
