he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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