Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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