I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
