A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
