So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
