I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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