he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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