where am i from again
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
