Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
