Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
