I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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