ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
