Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
