aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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