They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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