My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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