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I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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