it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
