There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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