I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize