i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
