life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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