just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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