I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
