he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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