he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize