it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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