I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
