i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
