I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize