it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
