you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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