mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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