just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
