DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
