I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize