she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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