I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And then my night got REAL pukey
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
