return my video game
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
