Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
