And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
