she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
