I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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