Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
