I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we're so committed to being not committed
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