He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
