we're blogging at a bar
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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