the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize