Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
