i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize