that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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