so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
