I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
