We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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