Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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