Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
