I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize