if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
BRING THE BAGELS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
