She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize