I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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